Read Time: 4 min

The difference between finite and infinite games. How to become an infinite player. Break free of the game of life.

I had the dream to make a million euros with my first business.

In the end, we made several millions.

And it didn't affect my life as I thought it would.

To get to that million, I played the hustle game.

It created a game of life I just wanted to escape from as fast as possible.

Why did I play this game for so long when it was boring, unfair, and draining?

Yes, life is a game, and it doesn't matter if I like the game or not.

Games don't have to be fun.

But it's my responsibility to choose the games that are fun for me.

There are two types of players: Finite and infinite players.

Finite players play to win.

The main goal of a finite player is to stop playing.

Finite players only play finite games, just like our current game of life.

We want to play the rich game to stop playing the game of work.
We want to play the vacation game, so we don't need to play the game of work for some time.
We want to play the marriage game, so we no longer need to play the single-loser game.

All these games are played for a single reason: to escape from the life you have.

Infinite players play for the sake of playing.

The main goal of an infinite player is to continue playing.

They engage in activities out of curiosity and desire to explore something new.

Infinite players might enter into finite games like the game of work or the marriage game.

But they do it for different reasons.

Infinite players play with the boundaries and the rules of these finite games.

They will leave the game and play other games as soon as it doesn't serve them anymore.

I found a lot of questions opening up when I first heard this.

And all of them lead to the same core question:

How can I play more games that I'm not trying to escape from?

I found three simple steps that lead to a better game of life I want to continue playing indefinitely:

1. Never stop asking questions.

Questions are the core of curiosity and learning.

Questions are the way we understand the world around us.

Answers are only important in terms of what other questions they can yield.

Sadly, our schools teach us that only answers have value and punish us for asking questions.

There are no stupid questions, only people afraid of not knowing an answer.

I encourage you to ask more questions.

And don't stop at the first answer you get.

Use the 5 Why method and dig deeper.

Find the questions that don't have easy answers.

Then, have fun exploring different possible answers to these questions.

I've been taught that I'm a failure if I can't find the correct answer to a question.

Such a bullshit!

I might not give the answer someone expected, but this doesn't mean I failed or am a failure.

I'm not responsible for other people's expectations, emotions, or needs.

I'm only responsible for my own emotions and needs.

As long as I continue searching for answers, I will continue learning, which is progress.

2. Choose the games you play.

If you ask enough questions, you will eventually ask why you're playing this game of life.

You will probably default to: "Because I have to.”

In psychology, this is called learned helplessness.

Having to do something means someone else has ownership over my life.

That is called slavery.

Are you a slave?

I'm not, so I'm the only one responsible for how my life turns out.

You probably associate consequences and punishment with the word responsibility.

In finite games, taking responsibility means being held accountable for the outcome.

And usually, you're given a title according to the outcome.

Titles are connected to rewards or punishments in finite games.

No wonder we associate something harmful with the word responsibility.

It took me a long time to break this wrong association.

I have a simple rule of thump to spot finite games for you:

If it uses titles, it is a finite game.

Example titles: failure, girlfriend, husband, boss, winner, loser.

Responsibility in infinite games means freedom, agency and power.

As an infinite player, I am responsible for my life, so I have the freedom to choose my actions.

Here is a simple exercise to make this clearer:

When you speak in your mind or out loud, replace "I have to” with "I choose to.”
Observe what it does to you.
- Do you like doing the things you choose to do?
- If not, how can you change them so you like doing them?
- If you can't change them, how can you replace or remove them from your life?
Then ask yourself: Which games do you choose to play and for what reasons?

To become an infinite player, you must break out of the victim role and get to a point where you own your life.

Oh, look! Another title (victim).

You're stuck in the finite game as long as you carry it.

One last misconception about responsibility to debunk:

Being responsible for something means that you have the agency to take action.

But it doesn't mean that you need to do it alone.

Together, we can achieve more than each of us alone.

It is OK to ask for help and accept help when it is offered.

So, if you're stuck, get someone to help you.

This is what friends, family, mentors, leaders, and communities are there for.

3. Play with the boundaries of the game.

You made it to the last step, to live a life you don't want to escape.

At this point, you're questioning everything, and select your games of life carefully.

You're already playing outside the boundaries of the game of life you started with.

But we're not done yet.

The last step is to play with the boundaries of your games.

If you get here, you're in a place with no social scripts to follow anymore.

No guides, gurus, experts, or superiors can tell you how or what to play.

No expectations, no punishments, no reasons to want to escape.

It is a place of pure creativity.

This is where you're truly free.

Where you're your true, authentic self.

It is now up to you to create games and invite others to play them with you.

Or you could fiddle with other people's games to see what happens.

Whatever you choose to do, it will feel right to you.

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How to create a life you don't want to escape from